Archaeologists recently discovered these pre-crucifixion instructions given to prisoners by the Romans. Feel free to add your own.
Six Days Before Your Crucifixion:
Make peace with the deity of your choice. Hephaestus is the cheapest, though gentlemen may prefer a “chat” with Aphrodite. Return library books.
Two Days Before Your Crucifixion:
Do not eat beans, peas, corn, nuts, popcorn, okra, or tomatoes 2 – 3 days prior to your crucifixion. We’ll all appreciate it!!
The Day of Your Crucifixion:
Starting at midnight the night before, don’t drink anything. You will NOT get a bathroom break.
Wear loose-fitting, comfortable clothing. Bring sunscreen and chapstick. Ladies may want to bring moisturizer.
Don’t wear white.
If you’ve taken Viagra within 2 hours of your crucifixion, you’ll be charged for an extra nail.
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